Posted by: Allie Ulrich | September 17, 2009

big loser.

do all women love shows about weight loss and eating disorders? if you go on ebay, you can buy a copy of the lifetime movie (aren’t they always?) “perfect body” for anywhere from $39.00-$85.00. a burned copy of “for the love of nancy” goes for $49.97. although admittedly, she does throw in the VHS for free. i can’t remember a post-puberty time when i was ever not obsessed with my own weight, or the weight struggles of other women. anorexia is seductive. bulimia is less seductive, but still sort of appealing. i think that most women realize that it’s not really a viable option… but there’s something sexy about it that makes us want to absorb it through every orifice. i’ve read books, magazine articles, tv shows, tv movies… i own a copy of “thin” that i’ve watched no fewer than 5 times. i think that eating disorders are like a loaded gun that lives in your bedside table. you hope you never have to use it, but it makes you feel safe just to have it there. 

i know that everyone thinks “the biggest loser” is inspirational and all, but it looks to me just like organized borderline anorexia for the grossly overweight. because they start out so fat, they never get all the way down to the bottom, but the show teaches them to overexercise and be hypervigilant about calories. to me, it looks just as fucked up. and thus, just as entertaining. last night when i was watching the premiere, there was a girl that talked about how she was so tired of people telling her she had a pretty face. that’s what they always say about bess. such a pretty face.

i don’t know why they force the women to wear sports bras for weigh in. it doesn’t seem fair. they’re already showing the country their most intimate secret down to the nearest tenth of a pound. anyway, pretty face was getting weighed in, and i can’t even remember if it was so good or so bad, but she started to cry. and her stomach started to jiggle and she immediately took her hands away from her face to cover her jiggling belly, and i understood her completely. right now, i navigate the world with my swollen gut. i’ve started wearing high waisted granny panties, because i can’t stand the feeling of my flapping stomach without an elastic band holding it in. i don’t know that i’ve ever been more aware of a body part before. practically everyone on the loser lost about 15 lbs. sometimes i wish they would have a reality program for people who were only marginally overweight, to see if they can get a perfect body . i’m starting to doubt that my body is even capable of greatness, even if i was willing to try really hard. which i’m definitely not.


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