i am delusional.

this week in therapy, i was telling my doctor ( i like to call him dr. shrinkage) that i am always overly optimistic about the winter. now, i have lived in maine essentially for my entire life. you would think by now that i would realize that no matter how hopeful i am that this will be the winter where there’s only snow on xmas, and it never drops below 30 degrees, IT’S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. yet stupidly, i play this game every year. and every year, i am horribly horribly disappointed.

well, the day after my last post, the scale magically said 158 lbs, despite my less than stellar eating and complete lack of exercise. one would assume that i would accept this mystical 2 lb. weight loss as a gift, and use it as motivation to keep pushing that big fat rock up the hill.  one would assume. but instead, i tapped into delusional center of my brain that was screaming “hey, maybe you don’t need to watch what you eat to lose weight, maybe you’re just gonna get skinny without trying. let’s give that a try. i want mozzarella stix!” and so i ate some mozzarella stix. and some butter. and some other things i had just finished declaring that i wasn’t going to eat.

i haven’t weighed myself since the day that i gave in to my my inner hamburglar (or butterburglar really). my jawlilne is bloating back up, and i just spent a full day in a half-unzipped skirt hidden under a long sweater. oh, and i just finished eating a cheese stick, 2 pieces of heavily buttered toast, and a big bowl of egg salad. and it’s almost 1 am. tomorrow, i will get on the scale. tomorrow, i will go to sleep at a reasonable hour and not get an attack of the midnight munchies. i have exactly 25 days until xmas. can i stay on the wagon for that long?

and while i’m recounting my indiscretions… remember that giveaway? i was supposed to announce the winner 2 weeks ago! just consider it a really long drumroll……. elisa! you’re the winner. i’ll email you and shit.